Losing my virginity was – for me – a slow and painful process. I had expected that there would be just one big rip and then easy sex forever after, like breaking a hymen was a one shot deal. In my case, I unfortunately found that imposing a large peg into a small hole necessitated multiple slow and progressive attempts.
My relationship with the man to whom I chose to give up my last bit of “purity” ended soon after we went our separate ways to different universities, and thus sex with him never reached the level of wild, erotic passion that I had imagined. Even so, I found an even more meaningful effect from my “deflowering”: a new perspective on sex and its significance to my life.
In the years between my first sexual experiences and my initial attempts at sex, I felt an internal split between being a highly sexual young being, versus feeling afraid of giving up the very last piece of my body and sense of self that I as a woman could offer in this world – my virginity.
But somehow, after choosing to take this oh so momentous step in my young life by giving up my “V-card,” I did not feel like any less of a woman, like any less wholesome of a person. Rather, I felt empowered and in control of my body and my choices. I realized that the ideas that “sex being bad,” and that losing virginity as an extremely valuable piece of one’s womanhood to give are entirely socially constructed norms, and that my own life need not blindly follow this standard. Sex and virginity have only as much meaning as each individual assigns to them for him or herself, only have as much philosophical, emotional, or even physical significance as each person chooses to give to it. And those qualifications vary by everyone’s histories, standards, and ideals.
On that note, I think it is necessary to say to you, my reader, that your personal definition of virginity, and the significance of your choices concerning virginity are extremely important for you to recognize and embrace. Everyone may have a different definition of the state of losing virginity, whether it happens by receiving or giving oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, or simple penetration – with or without orgasm from one or more members of the act. Know what you consider virginity, where you stand, where you want to stand, and embrace your choice, or change of choice.