The Humpday Gazette

Posts Tagged ‘morning after blitz’

Morning After Lolz

In 12W on March 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the morning after blitz. I’m just saying it’s a pretty hilarious concept. Let’s look at the stock form:

Subject: [Insert first 1-2 words of the sentence]

Body: [Continuation from subject, summing up in 2 sentences that you hope the person got home alright and that you had a good time. If you enjoyed yourself or will be forced to see this person in everyday life, say that you should grab a meal “sometime.” If you actually want to get a meal, offer potential days of the week.]

And you’re done.

The process of sending the blitz is similarly ridiculous. If you don’t know/remember your hook-up buddy’s last name, the combination of blitz directory and Facebook stalking to correctly identify the person who was in your bed last night is comedic gold. Once, one of my friends received a stock morning after blitz from someone she had never met. Apparently, he confused her with a sorority sister whose first name was one letter off. Post-morning after blitz over analysis is one of the wonders of Saturday morning roomie sessions. However, if you’re going to invest your sense of self in these blitzes, you may be in for a future of disappointments. And if you’re sending one – just say what you mean!

Bring the Blitz Back

In 12W on March 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I wasn’t supposed to write this piece. I also didn’t think that an article about the “Morning After Blitz” would have a serious tone. I mean, it’s just a measly little blitz. The “morning after blitz” is the blitz you send after you’ve hooked up with someone. Usually it is sent from the initiator, with added pressure on the guy in heterosexual hook-ups. From what I understand, it’s just a common courtesy to say you had a fun time. Apparently, however, it is a “dying art form.” Every ’15 asked said they’ve never received one. Some hadn’t even heard of it. My ’14 guy friends admitted to never sending them because they “didn’t feel it necessary.” But, at Dear Ol’ Dartmouth we love traditions, so we thought we’d bring it back from the ashes.

Now, let me tell you this before I keep going: I have never gotten a morning after blitz, nor have I ever sent one. I don’t hook up with people on Dartmouth’s campus (significant other from home), so I know I may not be the most credible source. But in looking for an author for this column, I’ve developed my own thoughts.

Like I said, I wasn’t supposed to be writing this article. I had many people saying that they would love to write it… and then back out on me, which is fine. My last friend to back out blitzed me: “Hey—I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do the article anymore. It got kind of real when I started to write it.” Finally, the significance of a morning after blitz dawned on me. What if you hooked up with a person and then never spoke about it, never acknowledged the hook-up, or never even talked to that person again? Some people I’ve talked to go out of their way to try to never see their hook-ups again. How is that okay? How is it ever alright to ignore someone you did, in fact, meet and spend time with? Even if you didn’t have “the greatest” experience, I say that the morning after blitz is a necessary component of post-hook-up protocol. I wouldn’t hold someone to this standard post-Tri-Kap dance floor make-out, but if you go back to someone’s room or bring someone to yours, then a morning after blitz is sure as hell called for.