The Humpday Gazette

Posts Tagged ‘September 2010’

Sex Position of September: Sideways 69

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:12 am

The perfect combination of mutual pleasure and laziness, the Sideways 69 lets you an your partner both enjoy oral at the same time without neck pain and difficulty positioning some people encounter with the traditional 69 with one partner on top. Simply position yourself in a way that both you and your partner have easy access to each others genitalia while laying on your sides and get down to business. It’s a position for almost everyone – opposite and same sex couples; virgins who define sex as penetrative and non-virgins who keep coming back for more; stay on your sides, or use this position as a transition into the 69 with one partner on top. Unfortunately, those with difficulties multi-tasking and couples with significant height difference may have some issues with this one, but to everyone else, have some mutual fun without penetration!

Sex Toy of September

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:11 am

Vibrator virgin?  The Silver Bullet is a great toy for any number of people, but especially perfect for a first time buy.  For one thing, the Bullet is only $15, a great find for people who aren’t sure if vibrators are something they are interested in. Additionally, its small size and sleek look make it less intimidating than some other toys, and the intensity of vibration is adjustable, allowing you to figure out what feels best and adjust the vibrations accordingly.  The Silver Bullet is very versatile – it can be used for vaginal or anal penetration, plus stimulating nipples, testicles, head of the penis, or clitoris.  While also fun for solo sexual expeditions, its small size is also an asset in that it can be used with ease while having sex with a partner.  The one complaint is a short life span (sometimes only 3 months), but the orgasm to dollar ratio is still pretty darn good! [, but many variations are available online and at reputable stores]

Sex Song of September

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:10 am

Due to the theme of this newsletter, it is no surprise that Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” comes up as the Sex Song of the Week.  “Like A Virgin” is just one of those songs from the mid-eighties that everybody knows and used to joke about when they were younger, and since Madonna IS a worldwide superstar, it would be a shame if we did not mention her claim to fame.  The lyrics allude to a lover who makes every experience feel like the first time, and are pretty self-explanatory: “I was beat incomplete.  I’d been had.  I was sad and blue.  But you made me feel.  Yeah you made me feel shiny and new.  Like a virgin.  Touched for the very first time.”  The video for the song shows Madonna prancing around in a wedding dress, along with her other iconic and cutting-edge fashions, and there even is an appearance by a real live lion(!).  Her 1984 MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) performance of the hit is one of the most memorable in MTV’s history, being reenacted years later by herself, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Missy Elliot with the “kiss heard ‘round the world.”  The memory that now comes to my mind with “Like A Virgin” happens to be Keith Beukelaer’s rendition of the song at the Season Two auditions of American Idol, where Simon Cowell called him “the worst singer in the world.”  Well at least Madonna and Beukelaer have the world factor in common, and he tried to look sexy right?  That is really all that matters.

Strong Woman, Strong Hymen

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:09 am

Losing my virginity was – for me – a slow and painful process. I had expected that there would be just one big rip and then easy sex forever after, like breaking a hymen was a one shot deal. In my case, I unfortunately found that imposing a large peg into a small hole necessitated multiple slow and progressive attempts.

My relationship with the man to whom I chose to give up my last bit of “purity” ended soon after we went our separate ways to different universities, and thus sex with him never reached the level of wild, erotic passion that I had imagined. Even so, I found an even more meaningful effect from my “deflowering”: a new perspective on sex and its significance to my life.

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Ditching the V-Card

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:08 am

While most discussions over losing one’s virginity carry connotations of teenage girl gossip circles, men need a first time too.  And although some guys have an easy time unleashing their primal instincts, this is not the norm.  Given the pressure society places on males to be sexual dynamos, the first time having penetrative sex can be an intimidating and confusing experience, especially in Dartmouth’s prominent hook-up culture.   But we’re here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay to be a guy still sitting on that V-card, and to help you get rid of it (if you so desire).

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STI’s: First Times and Chlamydia

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:06 am

Every sexual encounter comes with risks, whether it is your first time engaging in that activity or not, including the risks of pregnancy and STI’s. The best form of protection your first (and any) time having sex is a condom, which are 97-98% effective in preventing pregnancy when used correctly and extremely effective at preventing the transmission of HIV. While condoms are very effective in preventing the transmission of both viral and bacterial STIs, some viruses such as HPV are capable of fitting through the microscopic pores in the latex, so its important to know the history of your partner. Your first time should be a healthy, fun experience: remember to be safe!

If you forget to use a condom, it is important to know what kinds of STIs are out there and to be tested for them. The most common STI on college campuses is chlamydia. College freshmen under the age of 20 are 70% more likely to contract chlamydia than their upperclassmen peers. A bacterial infection, chlamydia can be asymptomatic in up to 80% of women and 50% of men. When symptoms do occur, they include abnormal vaginal and penile discharge, burning when urinating and, in women, lower abdominal pain. It is important to get tested for chlamydia after unprotected sex, as it can permanently damage female reproductive organs, leading to infertility or pelvic inflammatory disease. Chlamydia testing is part of routine STI testing available at Dick’s House. STI testing is free at Dick’s House, so you don’t have to worry about your parents’ reactions! If you have unprotected sex, remember, the risks other than pregnancy and go get tested.

To Dick’s House We Go

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:05 am

While  on the topic of virginity, we wanted to issue a reminder that yes, no matter how beautiful/special/awkward/unsatisfying your first time is, if you are a fertile female and have intercourse, there is a chance that you will become pregnant. Additionally, unprotected sex puts you at risk for STI’s. With any partner, it is not possible to be checked for every sexually transmitted infection and many infections do not have symptoms that may be visible. Dick’s house recommends using condoms or dental dams with all sexual activity to help decrease risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, in addition to helping prevent pregnancy.

If you do have unprotected sex or your contraceptive fails, Plan B can be a great backup. While it does not protect against any sexually transmitted infections, when taken as soon as possible after unprotected intercourse, it can help to prevent pregnancy. It uses a heightened level of levonorgestrel to prevent ovulation and fertilization. Plan B is now available over the counter and can be purchased at the Dick’s House pharmacy. It can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse but is more effective the sooner you take it. You may have some spotting and breakthrough bleeding a few days after you take Plan B. If you do not get your menstrual period within 3 weeks of taking Plan B, we do recommend you see somebody at Dick’s House so you can have a pregnancy test. Or, use a condom and birth control, and make Plan B the back up plan to the back up plan!

A Cherry from a Different Fruit Tree

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:03 am

It’s hard to pinpoint when exactly I lost my virginity.  It’s especially hard to pinpoint what virginity even means in my case — the word doesn’t really have the same connotations for gay men.  After all, our bedroom gymnastics are a bit different than those of straight couples: we don’t enter the gym through the same door, we have an entirely different working definition of the phrase “straddle split,” and there’s only one parallel bar we need to perform on to win the Olympic gold.

In other words, our “cherries” are from a different fruit tree than straight men —a much fruitier fruit tree, if you will.

Despite all this grey area about the term “virginity,” there’s one thing I’m sure about: my first quasi-sexual encounter was by no means average.  After all, it happened at the age of fifteen in the bathroom of a roller-skating rink during my Chinese language school’s skating party.

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Another Dartmouth Experience: First Times

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 5:01 am

As you’ve hopefully seen from the variety of experiences in this newsletter, all people are sexual beings, whether they choose to express their sexuality or not. Everybody is united by the experience of a “first time,” whether it is a first kiss, first date, first time having sex or first time having sex at college. Two Sexperts have launched a project based on the commonality of a first time, in hopes that the unification of a variety of experiences will promote open discussion of sex and sexual decision-making at Dartmouth. The First Time Project is a collection of audio and video recordings from members of the Dartmouth community about their first time. While still in the editing process, the video will be used as a part of sexual health and education programming on campus, focusing on incoming classes of Dartmouth students during freshman orientation and beyond. The video may be shown in public settings as well as during floor meetings in hopes to facilitate conversation about sexual health and decision-making on campus.  The First Time Project will not only show the spectrum of experiences students have had on campus, but provide incoming classes with the knowledge to make informed decisions about their own sexuality.  It will be available either this winter or next fall, depending on the D-plans of its makers. Quotes from the project appear at the bottom of each page of the newsletter.

Girl Meets Gyno

In September 2010 on December 16, 2010 at 4:59 am

The beginning of this story is quite typical.  Girl goes across the world for a summer.  Girl meets boy.  Of course she thinks they might be falling in love (boy’s thoughts still unclear).  She is a virgin; he is not.

The more intimate details of the story are not important.  It could have taken place in Africa, in India, in South America, in Connecticut, on the lonely ex-planet Pluto.  I like to think that I’m original, but my path to the breathless moment when I whispered, “now I’m ready” followed a disappointingly clichéd plotline.

At the end of my fairytale summer, I imagined a smooth transition into the world of sex.  I was finally ready to DO IT, and leave my virginity far behind.  I happily slipped off my Hanky Panky and waited for the magic to occur.  I was ready to text my friends “The last woman standing falls!”

However, with everything my friends had told me about sex, nobody had mentioned that sex is remarkably awkward, especially the first time.  And I don’t mean awkward in the embarrassing sort of “oh dear, I’m naked and you’re naked” way, but in the “I have no idea how on earth THAT is going to fit” way.

With all that awkwardness to get over, virginity usually can’t be lost in just one stolen hour.  Virginity is not something that is discarded as soon as you say, “let’s have sex.”  It can be a bit of a process.  And if you only have one hour to steal, as I did, don’t make it your last night with your boy.  That is what I did.  Yes, I know, clichéd again.  Waiting until the last night before we went our separate ways!  Charming to the romantic, unrealistic to the pragmatist.

But my failure to have sex is what makes my story interesting.  Of course I was disappointed, of course I cried when I said goodbye to my maybe-lover.  However, I know you are unconcerned with my weepy emotions.  Thus, I will fast-forward about a week and tell you about Joel.

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